My Punkins and Their Pumpkins....

We made our annual pilgrimage to the Pumpkin Patch this week. I chose to take them after school was over so all the field trip groups were gone and it would be less busy than on the weekend.

It was the perfect day, no crowd, cool temperatures, and tons of fun.

We rode the hay ride out to the pumpkin patch to pick our pumpkins and our boys chose some "unique" specimens.

Now when I was a kid, we had one pumpkin and it was perfect. It was usually pretty large and always perfectly round with no damage on the outside. Then my brother would carve it on Halloween and mom would put a candle inside of it. It was the classic Halloween scene.

Well, our boys didn't pick perfect pumpkins. They were far from perfect.  They were more like pumpkins that would have been characters in the movie "The Breakfast Club" or pumpkins that would have been found on the Island of Misfits in the movie "Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer".

Braden found his first one immediately and he fell in love. It was a "bumpy pumpkin". (they are his favorite kind)

Those bumpy pumpkins are so ugly and this one was lopsided but he loved it so I picked it up and the backside was all scarred up and dented.

I showed the bad side to him but he still loved it. I was about to talk him out of it by telling him that it was yucky and ugly when I stopped myself short because I realized something more important than that dented and scarred ugly pumpkin.

That pumpkin is a lot like Braden. He is perfect and beautiful but when you take his shirt off you see  many scars from 8 years of cancer treatments, multiple surgeries, 4 central lines, bone marrow aspirates, stem cell harvests, and tattoos which were markers from his radiation treatments. 

Those scars tell Braden's story. 

And apparently this pumpkin has a story too.

So we brought it home because it is perfectly imperfect. The fact that he loved it regardless of it's lack of perfection nearly had me in tears.  

There is nothing more beautiful than acceptance and I love his pure and kind heart that looks past imperfections to see beauty.

His second pumpkin, yes I told him only one pumpkin and then I totally caved, was one that he said looked just like a jack o'lantern pumpkin. The problem is that the top was split open a little bit.

I opened my mouth to tell him that it wouldn't last very long and would get yucky soon and we would have to throw it away, but then I stopped.

Again, this is like Braden's story. The doctors have told us more times than we can count that he wasn't going to live and we needed to spend our time well. We chose to fight and to make memories with the time that we were given.

So we have one pumpkin that isn't going to last as long but until then, it's going to be on the front porch with the others proudly displayed.

We walked back through the patch to find Zach. He's a 7th grader and apparently there is an unwritten law that says that you cannot be seen with your mother and little brother in a pumpkin patch so he was far.....far away searching for his pumpkin.

I had not been given the memo about pumpkin patch etiquette prior to the pumpkin patch visit. (I would have still made him come with us though) ;) 

Something about it totally throwing off his street cred??

We found Zach, with the hood of his jacket covering his face so no one would recognize him.

He had two small pumpkins in his hands.

 Yes, once again I said only one pumpkin and then I totally caved. But I was really excited because they looked pretty perfect to me.

I caved because he explained that he found each of them hidden under large pumpkin leaves where no one could find them. He said they wouldn't be seen and no one would choose them so he wanted to bring them home because they should be noticed.

I melted. 

And nearly cried again.

These pumpkins are just like Zach.  Quietly hidden away hoping to be noticed for how special he really is. He's never vocal about it but being the sibling of a kid with cancer is a tough row to hoe. Nearly all the attention is on the child with cancer because you are fighting to save his life. 

It's not fair and we do try to even it out and our friends help try to even it out, but it's the truth. Zach has been hidden just like these pumpkins.

I love this boy's heart and compassion. That's my favorite thing about him.

I thought we had all the orange things we needed but at the checkout stand, Zach found a gourd and wanted to get a small one because he said it was tradition. 

I do not recall this tradition.

We bought the gourd.

That makes 5 pumpkins...when we went for one.

I'm weak.

When we put it on the porch, Zach set it on top of one of his smaller pumpkins because he said it was small so it needed a little perch so it would feel special.

Once again, I teared up.

Zach is not tall. He often gets made fun of because he's one of the shorter kids in his grade level. 

I wish I could change that, I wish people could just be kind about sizes of others. 

And I wish we could all be a little kinder to ourselves about our own sizes too. 

So our "Breakfast Club"/ "Island of Misfits" pumpkins were specially chosen by my punkins and they  have meaning.

None is perfect, each has its own issues and imperfections...

In their simplest of terms they are:

bumpy...

scarred...

broken....

overlooked...

and judged by size...

But, as they said in the Breakfast Club, aren't we all just a little bit of each of those things as well?

What if we could all accept our own imperfections and the imperfections of others as easily as my guys did with these silly pumpkins...

Now that would be perfect.

Never Ever Give Up...

One thing we've learned since our daughter, Miranda, died is to never give up even when things seem impossible to get through.

August 1st was Miranda Day, the day she was born and the day she earned her angel wings.

She would have been 14.

The lesson to never give up hope, to never give up fighting, and to believe in miracles regardless of how bad things get has been tested repeatedly since 2001.

I also learned that God is ALWAYS good. Always. Even when we don't get the answer we wanted when we pray.

I prayed for Miranda to live, but she died.

And God answered my prayers by loving me through it and showing me that I can be strong and that He is there for me if I just allow him to be. I think he grieves with us and is there to love us through the hard times.

I do not believe the "bad stuff" comes from Him. Bad stuff isn't a test from God; it's just bad stuff. God doesn't give people cancer to test their faith or to punish their parents.

It's. Just. Bad. Stuff and you have to get through it, either in one piece or in several.

Because of my faith, I have learned that persevering through the tough things is possible even when it seems impossible. I choose to remain in one piece.

It's not always enjoyable...and certainly the circumstances that we need to persevere through are not desirable...

but the way to win over those tough things (like cancer) is to refuse to allow it them to win.

I'm stubborn.

Launching a passive aggressive offense comes naturally for me.

SO....now that our lives have been more....I suppose one could call it "normal"....with the recent lack of cancer treatments (TAKE THAT cANCER!) I'm trying to reclaim my life and #TakeItBack.

SOO....I decided to do something really not so smart, illogical, and pretty much absurd...

and I signed up for a half marathon.

The why is simple. I have Multiple Sclerosis, I am a cancer survivor, I've been a "momcologist" for almost 8 years, and I spend my days fighting for childhood cancer research and awareness. Oh and I don't run.

Seriously....8 months ago, I couldn't even walk down the stairs without gripping the stair rails and moving to the next step one foot at a time while squinting in pain.

So maybe it's not that simple...

but it IS passive aggressive and totally stubborn.

I wanted to do something that would be really hard and seemed impossible...and this sure fits that bill.

SO to keep myself accountable, I posted on Facebook that I was going to do a half marathon. There was no way to back out after I posted...I mean it's Facebook...people only post things that are 100% true on there.

Notice I didn't say I was going to "run" a half marathon, I am going to finish one but my gait has been termed "r/alking" by one of my dear friends, Stacy.  Mostly walking mixed with a little running.

I'm so gonna r/alk that half! ;)

Two of my friends, Cari and Shelley, made a t-shirt for me that I will wear the day of the marathon. The front is an image of my biggest reasons to #TakeItBack...Miranda, Braden, and Zach...my three babies.

Okay, please don't tell Zach I said baby because he's a seventh grader and that would result in much grumbling and grouching.... And I don't have time for that...for the 100th time today.

Sigh!

The back was inspired by a t-shirt my friends and I had a few years ago for an event we called "Trail of Beers".  It had like 20 bars listed on it and there was a checkbox beside each bar. The goal was to get each bar checked off in one day.

And you had to drink a beer at each stop...

except for the DD....

and I was the DD (smart me)...you automatically got a checkmark just by getting your passengers there.

This time, there are no bars listed officially on my shirt...

(although I'm fairly certain there will be one soon after the finish line)

The final box gets checked off after I cross that finish line.

R/alking or crawling....

Every day I write the name of a childhood cancer hero or angel hero on the bottom of the back of my shirt and I think about that hero while I am running..

When I feel like it's getting hard and like I don't want to keep running, I think about that hero and all that child has gone through.

The keyword there is "Child". These are kids who should be focused on swinging and running and playing, not fighting cancer.

And I push through my pain because it doesn't even begin to compare to theirs.

I'm not very fast...and I'm certainly not always graceful...

Yesterday was the perfect example of how "not" graceful I was. It was storming that morning so I went to the gym to r/alk my 3.5 miles on the indoor track.

About mid-way through mile 2, I felt myself begin to fall.

The last time I fell, I broke my arm....so I was eager to avoid that.

Instead I threw myself into a baseball type slide on my hip. Jarod Dyson would have been proud!

I was safe and I got right back up and started running again. Unfortunately, the "slide" occurred right behind the television sets in the gym...which is where every single person doing cardio is looking.

I was totally on center stage!  Awesome!!

I recovered and was doing well when somewhere in mid-mile 3, I felt myself begin to fall again but this time my weight was shifted all the way forward resulting in a less graceful fall looking more like this:

Except this guy looks better than I did.

I got right back up and started running again, but I was cracking up. And it was right in front of the free weights section of the gym (I call it Muscle Beach). It's the most testerone ridden corner of the gym filled with buff people doing buff people things and I totally wiped out flat on my face right in front of the buff people!

Like.A.Boss

I am physically unharmed, but I did put a hole in the knee of my favorite capri workout pants so I'm a little messed up emotionally about that.

It's my MS...I have a terrible sense of balance on a normal day as a result of my MS and heat is one of my triggers. We are having really hot weather in Kansas right now. What? Hot weather in Kansas in August?? ;)

I just need to think about my feet and my balance more when I'm running...

rather than jamming to Disturbed.

My half marathon journey is likely to be more falling than flying but I'm going to keep going and Never Ever Give Up!

I'm taking my life back...even if it does result in falling.

I'm going to keep getting back up. All three of my children are fighters and the names of the heroes I write on my shirt are fighters. They inspire me.

My goal is to honor them and raise awareness through this journey. It is NOT a fundraising effort, it's just about fighting like these kids.

Some of my amazing friends put together a video about why I'm running. A huge thank you to some amazing guys for this beautiful video. We will keep making some clips so you can hear all about our kids.

Special thanks to  Tug McTighe, Jon Hardesty, and Matt Loehrer at Callahan Creek and Brandon Green at Evergreen Images for the video!

I hope you like it!!

The YouTube link is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4wsVeKl9qo

Today my training schedule says that I can either run or cross train.

I think I'll pick cross training and save my second favorite capri workout pants from certain disaster!

One thing I know is that I'm not going to quit....

No matter how many pairs of capris I have to buy! :)

TAKE THAT cANCER!

#TakingItBack2015

I've been quiet for a bit and haven't blogged.

To be honest, I've been trying to figure my life out.

For the past (almost) 8 years, my life has been nothing but a mission to fight cancer and save Braden.

We know we are never out of the woods, we know that both of our teams in KC and Philly have never seen a child with secondary MDS post relapsed neuroblastoma survive for 5 years, but as of right now... for today...

Braden is in remission from both cancers....

all thanks to the bone marrow donation his brother, Zach, gave him to try to save his life.

My life has been completely consumed by fighting cancer since December 28, 2007.

I dream about it, I spend my days and nights on the computer researching it, and my sole mission is to obliterate it.

No one should ever hear the words, "No Known Cure".

Period.

And for the first time in nearly 8 years, we are not in active treatment.

Seriously.

He's been actively fighting cancer for that long.

And now I find myself at a bit of a loss; trying to figure out what our new normal is and how I can trust it might stay this way for a bit.

Since Braden's initial diagnosis, I have felt like Wile E. Coyote, waiting for the anvil to drop yet again and our world to once more be destroyed. It happened so many times that eventually you actually do begin to act like that crazy coyote and you just hold up a sign that says, "Not Again" while you fall into the canyon of the next crapfest.

Braden's Hope For Childhood Cancer, our non profit, has been my sanity. Through it my friends and I have been able to help hundreds of children and bring hope to them through research and awareness.

It has kept me positive and given me a purpose and made me feel like even if we didn't beat Braden's cancer, we might be able to beat it for another family.

And there is a great deal of peace in that.

But now that things have "normalized" a bit at home, I find myself wanting a life for me again.  Before all of this crapfest, I had a life. I had a career that I loved very much. I actually didn't realize how much of my own self identity and self worth was wrapped up into my career, but it was.

And once that was gone, I had a hole and an emptiness. I didn't leave it voluntarily, it was ripped from me by cANCER.

I miss it. And I loathe cANCER for taking it from me.

Yet at the same time, I am very fulfilled in my role as mom and President of Braden's Hope. However, I yearn for my own self identity. I know, that sounds contradictory and a little crazy; I'm not explaining it very well...

I want back what cANCER stole from me. I want my life back.

Now that Braden is one year post transplant, and the vast majority of relapses occur in the first 12 months, I have my sea legs back again. I'm scared to stand on them because they always seem to get cut off when I try, but I'm going to take my mom's advice from when I was a little girl and was showing quarter horses.

"If you get bucked off, you get right back up and on that saddle and show your horse that you are in control and you are not afraid, even if you are. If he knows you are scared, he will always be in control and he will just keep bucking you off..."

Well I am afraid. I'm terrified to try to take my life back and rebuild it from scratch because the anvil always seems to fall again and it's absolutely devastating when you just climb out of the sludge only to be kicked back into it.

But I am going to get back up on the saddle again.

On July 6, I celebrated my 5 year cancerversary and I am now officially a "cANCER Survivor"!

So now, I'm taking my life back and cANCER doesn't get to be in control any longer. It has taken quite enough from me and I am over it.

Momma is back, with new hope and I am now including the word, "future" in my vocabulary. That's a pretty big deal and something I never thought I would do again in my lifetime.

So stay tuned for all of continued #TakeThatcANCER moments and new  #TakingItBack2015 moments.

Get ready cANCER....you lost and I'm about to rub salt in that wound every day for the rest of my life! ;)

We are taking it back and cANCER is now powerless.

TAKE THAT cANCER!!

Thankful For Lessons...

Life hasn't always been fun and games. I've had a lot of crapfest moments, our daughter died fifteen hours after she was born, we had two miscarriages, I was diagnosed with MS, I fought breast cancer, and the worst is that our youngest son has been actively fighting cancer for nearly 7 years.

But those crapfest moments taught me several lessons for which I am very thankful. So in this season of giving thanks, here are the lessons I am the most grateful for

(coincidentally they are also things I wish I had learned a lot earlier in my life).

Real Friends Are Blessings...
Friends who are loyal and present, friends who are the type of people you hope to be for them. I'm extraordinarily blessed to be surrounded by true friends who love others more than they love themselves and they show it every single day. They make me a better person and I grow because of them.  Cherish those people in your life and invest in them. People who are negative, gossipy, or cause drama have no place in my life.  I have zero tolerance for "mean girls" and I wish them well in their lives and walk away.  I certainly wish I had learned THAT lesson much earlier in my life.

Conflict, confrontation,and discord...
I know that sounds strange, but those things are actually very healthy when you adopt an attitude of "let's agree we disagree but I continue to respect your point of view". I love it when people challenge me, have new ideas that are outside my comfort zone, or simply disagree with my point of view. That's how we learn! It's pretty easy to always give myself high fives, but (and here's the tough thing to swallow) I am not always right. GASP! Conflict, confrontation and discord keep me honest, questioning and humble. Whether it's about whether I should wear a wig or hat when I was bald or if I'm confronting a world renown doctor about my son's cancer treatments, I grow by using my voice. The key is to equally use my ears.

Forgiveness...
Heaven knows I need this. I routinely screw up. Sometimes, it's worse than others, but I am blessed to be around people who subscribe to this thing called "forgiveness".  "My People" as I call my friends and network are amazingly gracious and loving and they forgive me when I screw up. The only return gift needed when you accept someone's forgiveness is to extend that same forgiveness when you are kicked in the teeth.  Every day I pray, "forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against us". I can't be forgiven until I forgive others. Suck it up, see the other person's point of view and let it go.

Learn To Keep A Secret...
Oh how I wish I had learned that in my teens and twenties.  Seriously! It seems that the quickest way to spread gossip is to tell someone, "don't tell anyone!" and whooooshhhhhhh it's international headline news.  The bottom line is that you should never have to even say "don't tell anyone" to anyone when you are telling someone something. ;) Simply stated, when something is told to you, don't tell someone else. Use your intuition (which is generally screaming "shut up") and keep it quiet. The translation from our mouths to another's ears is usually all shades of confused and then you end up being quoted incorrectly. Then there's the worst case scenario...you blabbed and it ends up hurting someone you love. My middle name is now "Vegas".

Anything Worthwhile is Worthy of Fighting For It...
We have been told more times than I can count, that Braden was close to dying. I've had no gas in my tank more days than not, and I had a choice. Crawl under my covers and suck my thumb (like I wanted to do) or get up and fight. I'm Irish and I've dished out a lot of "black eyes" along the way. There has been a mountain of collateral damage from me fighting for him, but he is still here with us today. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee, it's a gift. Fight for what (and who) you believe in no matter what the odds or how big the monster is, just do it respectfully and with consideration for others.

Grace...
My mother used to tell me that we show grace, understanding, compassion, and kindness to others not because of who they are, but because of who we are. My mom's middle name was Grace and we named our daughter who died Miranda Grace after her.  Show others grace because you are a good person, not because you believe it will be returned to you. It actually may do quite the opposite and come flying back into your face. Don't let that stop you. It's not about them, it's about you!

God Doesn't Give Us Bad Stuff To Test Us.  

I simply do not believe that the God I believe in gives us pain and suffering. The God I believe in would not give those things to us to test us to see if we are going to remain faithful, or to drive us into His arms to repent. The God I believe in is a God of compassion, grace and love. He is there to give us...

And...Trust

I may be wrong, but I personally do not think that God has my life planned out. I think things happen and it's up to me to choose how I'm going to handle those things. I choose to try to employ all the tools/lessons I just listed above. And most importantly, I try to handle them in a way that I God teaches us through the lessons Jesus taught us on Earth. If even Jesus and his disciples were faced with hardship and agony, how arrogant would it be of me to assume that if God really loved me, He would save me from any crapfest moments??

I trust God. I trust that I will be able to see the better path to handle those hardships and I pray for strength to take that path as it is usually more difficult.  God is my strength and salvation and through all of this crapfest, that point has been repeatedly driven home. My faith has grown exponentially as a result of the hard stuff.

Be Thankful...
It's really that simple.

Just.Be.Thankful.

I once read something that said, "What if all you had tomorrow was what you thanked God for yesterday?" Amen to that!  Be thankful for your blessings amongst your crapfest because sometimes that very crapfest may end up indirectly blessing you if you open your heart and receive.

TAKE THAT cANCER...

That's the title of my new book...yup...a BOOK!! Unbelievable!

TAKE THAT cANCER...A Mother and Son's Journey to HOPE

Mrs. Schmeller, my high school English teacher is laughing right now. I could never get an "A" on any work I did for her...I'm pretty sure this book wouldn't be an A but it comes from my heart. :)

It's the story of our dual cancer fight, about how you have to fight with your gloves off, and about hope and faith in a God who loves us more than anything.

It's 5 years wrapped up into 110 pages. That was no easy feat...

As you can see...I like to type...words flow...too many words :)

So I had a co-author, her name is Maureen Rank and she was a gem. She helped me get things into a structure so I could feel what I really wanted to share and what really was important. I have thousands of pages of writing over the past five years and every page was important to me.

I'm not good at "thinning" :)

Once she had the format worked out, I could then write and literally feel what I wanted to say. I had no plan...I just wrote from my heart.

Hopefully, the book will give you courage and uplift you. It will probably make you shed a tear or two and I hope you fall over laughing at times too!

I expected to have a book when I was done, but I did not expect for the process to change me and help me grow. It did.

In so many ways, I feel like I have been able to wrap that package up and put it closer to a shelf. I'm not sure it will ever make the shelf...I don't think cancer fights work that way...but it is in a package, with a big bow!

Five years of battling, crying, laughing, detouring, living....

What a blessing to be able to write this book and have a story that is continuing for now!!

BLESSED!!

If you are interested in seeing the book and reading the back cover description please visit www.BradensHope.org and click merchandise. The book is $11.99 and we will ship it out to you right away for $2.00 extra per book.

If you live in Kansas City, you can pick a copy up at Outside The Box Gifts in the Rosanna Shopping Square in Overland Park 11616 Metcalf Avenue (right beside Mardel). You don't have to pay S&H that way AND we will have them for you at the HOPE Walk on June 8 at Frontier Park in Olathe. :)

They are on Amazon but if you purchase them from our website, we get to keep about twice the profit as apparently Amazon likes to have a big old share! :)

I hope you enjoy the book should you purchase one.

It feels so empowering to be able to write this story and put the past 5 years in that box...with the big bow...

TAKE THAT cANCER!! :)

Detour in a bra, down a runway...

I just walked down a 50 foot runway, in front of over 500 people… in a bra.

No kidding!

It was for an event called Art Bra and this was the third year they have done this fundraiser. Some of my very best friends had been models and were organizers.  Breast cancer survivors wear the bras on the runway which is awesome and I had been asked before and graciously denied that request. (secretly thinking…there is NO WAY I would wear a bra in front of 500 plus people…not because of the breast cancer, just because it’s a bra in front of 500 plus people!) LOL!!

In January, a very sweet lady called and asked me if I would do it.  She told me that one of my besties had given her my name and number. Initially, I said no. Then she told me that the proceeds went to help under and un-insured breast cancer patients. Pretty important stuff!

Then she said that we could design our own bra and it could be a childhood cancer bra.

AND…it could cover as much of me as I wanted covered.

I said yes!

Then I hung up the phone and said, “what the hell did I just do??”

Immediately, if not sooner, J I began a workout regime to lose pounds and tone up.  I really didn’t think I was that vain, but I was wrong. LOL!  I worked out 5 days a week until my cardio workout burned 600 calories or more, and then I lifted weights. Two of my very good friends helped me with diet and workout plans. I didn’t join a gym, I didn’t “do” a program, I just worked out at home and I worked out hard.

Accountability is the key…and walking down a runway in a bra was certain reason to be accountable…it was my coach and babysitter.  I ate the right carbs, protein (YUCK), fruit, veggies, all whole foods, and made sure I got fat in my diet…really…and I gave up sugar (for the most part, I wasn’t a fanatic).

I was working out with the Evil Twister Chick and her DVD workouts…she pissed me off.  I couldn’t do them without falling so she went back on the shelf and I did interval training and walked…fast.

I lost ten pounds…still have 5 to go.  And I have so much more energy than I could ever explain. I feel 10 years younger!  Unfortunately, my wrinkles and turkey wattle did not follow suit.

Damn.

Friday, May 3 came and I walked into the downtown Kansas City Airport Museum and saw this absolutely stunning venue with chandeliers and white curtains and beautiful seating…

And a 50 foot white runway.All I could think was “Oh dear Lord…WHAT HAVE I DONE!?”

Largely due to my MS, my balance SUCKS…and I have never been coordinated and graceful…but I was supposed to walk down this runway and smile and be all model-like and swooshy and glam….

I knew that wasn’t going to happen…it’s not me. Silly, irreverent, and crazy…that’s more me!!

My girlfriends were in the audience and they promised to raise the roof with noise!!  I knew that would do the trick for calming my nerves! I was relying on them!

They did our hair and makeup and off we went. My bra was in the live auction, which meant I got the added perk of extra time on stage to strut my stuff. 

Now let’s stop there for a minute and talk about “strut” and “stuff”.

BWAHHAHHHAAAHHHAAAAA…strut and stuff!!!

I don’t strut and I don’t have stuff…well I do have some stuff. My “girls” are beautiful. I love them!! They are perky and plump. Silicone ROCKS!!!But I’m a 47 year old, mom of two, former elementary school Principal who wears sweats and jeans and t-shirts 99.9% of the time.

I don’t routinely show my cleavage to 500 people while walking down a runway…in a bra!

Again…”WHAT HAVE I DONE?”

The bras in front of me were auctioning for like $5000 each!! HOLY SCHMOLY!!!  That’s a lot of pressure…are you even serious?  Okay…those bras also had beautiful ladies wearing them who had escorts who were professional athletes. That helped. J

 

Then there was little old plain, Jane me.  In my childhood cancer bra.

“Why the hell not!” overtook What have I done?” and off I went.

And it was SOOOOO much fun!! My girlfriends SCREAMED and ROCKED it out!!! They were right there, front and center right beside the runway. That made me feel 100% better!  My posse had my back!! Love those girls!!! And Brian was there cheering me on too smiling and clapping alongside my friends.

And then…the best part of the night. As I was standing in front of my unruly crew, Brian pointed to someone sitting beside him.

It was a very special little guy. His name is Quinlan and he is the son of one of my friends, Jennifer, who earned her angel wings after a battle with colon cancer. Jennifer is one of my heroes and her son is too.

“Q” was there with his grandpa taking pictures for an amazing local magazine called 435 South.  One of the bras that was in the auction was created in Jennifer’s honor and when I saw it, I cried.

I had seen Q backstage and talked to him and already gotten a hug.  He looked up and me and smiled and I bent down to give him a high five, which turned into a “near hug”. I couldn’t quite reach him.  His big, beautiful smile gave me courage!

And off I went.

My little childhood cancer bra brought about $1,300 dollars (which is still a boatload of money to me) and it will greatly help those breast cancer patients!

It was simply a magical night and I am so glad I did it.

One time.

Detours come in the strangest packages sometimes…and this time it came in the form of a beautiful blue and gold bra and a 50 foot runway.

TAKE THAT cANCER!!

Info on the event is at artbrakc.com J

Camping...

Braden just had scans in Philly...

and he did well and the results continued to show no evidence of disease!!

That is really no small sentence...it is really miraculous!!

Every scan, I hold my breath and pray.

This time, we found a penny early on. Braden was watching cartoons on a television in the airport in Chicago. He walked over, handed picked it up and handed it to me, then went back to cartoons.

I felt so much better!!  If you are confused, check out the "Pennies From Heaven" post I did on January 18. :) http://deliecehofen.blogspot.com/2013_01_18_archive.html

 And then there was the sunset view from our window the night before his scan. I could almost feel our angels smiling! WOW!

Dr. Mosse gave us the great news and we were off to the airport. Happy DAY!!! Nothing really upsets me after a good news day. It's all about perspective...

Seriously!

Nearly every visit since his first clear scan, we've had a problem getting out of Philly. Blizzards, hurricanes, flooding, plane mechanical problems, flight crew not there, you name it.  Almost every single time. We just expect it now! :)

This time did not disappoint.  Our layover was in Chicago.

Just a few minutes before we were to board the plane, they came on to tell us our crew wasn't there yet. As she was speaking they appeared.  Whew!! I figured this one was going to be easy, false alarm!

We boarded the plane and the captain got on the intercom with "news".

He said Chicago was not allowing any flights in or out due to weather.  BUT...he said we could deplane and then just hang out in the terminal close by. 

That sounded GREAT to me!! It was going to be an hour before they had an update.

An hour turned into 2...plus...people were lined up for a LONG distance trying to make arrangements for missed connections, etc.

Braden and I played hide and seek. It was WAY more fun.  That giggle is the best sound EVER!

I figured that if there were problems with getting in and OUT of Chicago, our connecting flight would likely be delayed too and there's an hour difference between Philly and Chicago, so we might make it. And if we didn't...who cares???

I got on my cell phone and sent some texts and my amazing friends had me covered with Zach in about 2 minutes!! I'm SO blessed to know such incredible people!!

Then they came on the intercom and weren't sure we were getting out, so I started looking for rooms in Philly...and two minutes later, we were boarding.

LOL!

We got to Chicago...okay, it was a "tad" bumpy but we've had worse and we were only 15 minutes passed our scheduled departure. The airport was a zoo...complete and total zoo!!

We checked the info to get our gate number and found out our flight had been cancelled.  Oh well. At least we weren't late!! :)  We headed to the gate to rebook.  The moving sidewalks became a challenge for Braden who tried to pass every single person on them...mom was panting like a dog by the time we were done. That boy can move when he wants to! :)

On our way, half of the US Navy along with a whole unit of bagpipers lined the hallway.  We were in a hurry but Braden wanted to watch the "parade".  We watched and walked slowly...nothing was happening yet but they were obviously waiting for something/someone to come off that plane.  I was curious. Hmmm.... But I knew we needed to rebook and if those bagpipes started, Braden would FREAK out!!

The kid with the severe hearing loss due to chemo cannot handle loud noises.  He cries and cries and it's absolutely heartbreaking!! Poor guy...so we zipped fairly quickly.

We made it to our gate, got rebooked, and then tried to get a room but everything was full close to the airport. Our flight was at 6 and it was already about 10:30. Not long...easy peasy!

The lady told us they were setting up cots.  Ugh...but worth a look. Already I was cringing with the thought of all of those germs...MAJOR germaphobe here!!

As we were making our way to the cot area, we saw the navy parade happening, but the bagpipes were gone. I was really curious now. They were escorting a long line of people individually through a corridor of navy sailors.

Hmmm again.

We walked over to watch the parade and realized it was actually an entire plane of WWII veterans they were escorting.  I don't know where from or where to but it was so cool.  MANY passengers were lined up and clapping for the men who were being escorted in wheelchairs (some were walking) as the sailors saluted along the perimeter of their path.  Braden and I clapped for them for about 10 minutes, we tried to leave but he wanted to stay and watch more of the parade. He saluted just like the sailors. It was priceless!!

I had tears. It was just beautiful to see those men waving at the crowd and smiling. They were so very proud and happy.  Just awesome!

After the parade, we did make it to the cots.  They weren't horrible looking, but still...germs!! We picked the only two left that were near an outlet. I put the blankets down over the cot, they were clean and then covered Braden with his penguin blankie from home.

Airport rule #1...he who controls the outlet, rules the airport terminal world!! Especially when there are only 2 in the hallway with the cots. LOL!  Many came after and many coveted my outlet, but alas, it was taken.  So sorry poor friends.... :)

Having staked my claim, I decided to put the blanket on the cot and push the cots together so I would be right beside Braden.  My greatest fear was that he would wake up while I was asleep and he would wander away out of curiosity...looking for that parade again! I knew I would not be sleeping, but I hoped he would.

I stashed everything of value (my phone and the iPad in my backpack at our heads and then squished our cots against it so no one could take them.  That...and we were directly across from the security desk...it was pretty safe!!

If you've ever had the pleasure of sleeping in an airport on a cot...okay admittedly overuse of the word "pleasure"...you already know that they don't dim any lights and they don't put you in an area where people aren't marching through...hey wait a minute...it was an all night parade!! :) Lucky us!  Braden would just close his eyes, and somebody would come through with the vaccuum truck, or trash cans, or security people walkie talkies,  or security people laughing and giggling.

My "favorite" was my fellow stranded passengers who were clearly upset that they were stranded passengers. 

One lady parked it right next to me at about 2 am, she used the f-bomb about 4 times (which I can appreciate except I had an 8 year old with me). I looked at her and gave her the look. She grimaced at me and I pointed to Braden who was now wide awake.  She apologized but kept right on bitching out loud, just stopped with the f-bomb.  I asked her if she could bitch quietly so she wouldn't wake up my son.  She was not amused and changed the bitching to loud sighing.  

I think I preferred the bitching.  

I echoed her sighs each time she let one roar, which annoyed her...and made me giggle.  

Then there was the lady who came in with two adult children and began screaming at the top of her lungs to tell them which cots to take.  Woke him up again. I gave her the look and the daughter cringed.  The mom glared at me. I glared back. I don't think she wanted to try a "glare down contest" because she had them all get their stuff and move to another area.  I didn't realize why until 4:30 am when I finally got to see myself in a mirror.  Yup...I would have been scared too. :)

It was raining so hard!! I mean REALLY hard!! And at 4am, the security people all assembled 10 feet from our cots and had a security team meeting. It was very official.  LOL! They were placed on a higher alert level because of potential flooding.  

I know this because I was pretty much in the meeting.  ;)

I know a lot of other top secret security team meeting information.  I could tell you, but we were all sworn to secrecy. :) Needless to say, my faith in our security systems at the airport dropped a few...a lot...of points!

Three of the security guys were laughing really loudly and saying, "Yup..wake up people, it's your 4 am wake up call! Your security team has a meeting. You can't sleep here anymore." 

Hahahahahahahaha....

Braden woke up, again, and was very groggy and confused.  He had slept about an hour, and on and off due to the noise the remainder of the time. The night before he slept for about 5 hours because I have to keep him up late and get him up early so he will sleep during scans without big sedatives, just IV Benedryl.  

And I hadn't slept at all, and had about 5 hours over 48 hours.

I was not amused by their stupidity and rudeness.  And, again, in my defense 5 hours in two night..total. My filter had slowly disappeared during the night and now Momma Bear was raging.

So it occured to me that I should tell them what I thought about their rudeness and stupidity.  Then I remembered they were security and could keep me from boarding the plane...

and then I remembered I was already in the terminal and I really didn't give a shit because of the filter loss.

SO...I walked the whole ten steps over to them.  And I explained why that particular remark was not amusing. I pointed to my confused and exhausted son who had just had cancer scans.  Braden was in tears because he was tired and in his words, "I'm done...".

The supervisor dude in the fancy suit walked over to see why I was bitching at the three dudes so I explained.  Then walked away.

Then it was HIS turn to give them the look.  

They didn't seem so cocky and amused any more.

I can't tell you what I was thinking...it's top secret. But it involved my first real laugh in hours! 

I gathered up our stuff, Braden, his tigers and his blankie and headed to the gate.  It couldn't be louder or more annoying.

It was still raining REALLY hard and there were lakes of water on the runways and in the grass. I wasn't convinced we were going anywhere, anytime soon.

We did get to board the plane, pretty much everyone on the plane was exhausted BUT at last, we were going home. 

And then the captain came over the intercom.

Oh shit!

He said, "folks...we have some news about our departure."

Every single one of us needed a button, right then.

He told us something, I don't even remember what, but it wasn't that we weren't going to leave.  WHEW!!!

We made it home and all was well. If you ask Braden, he will tell you he had a GREAT time camping!! 

I am not a camper.  :)

That boy loves everything!! 

Got lemons???  Let Braden at 'em!! :)  

TAKE THAT cANCER!!!