God Speaks Autism...

I've always contended that God "speaks" autism.

I knew that God knew about Braden, but I didn't know that Braden knew about God. With his autism, he doesn't understand abstract concept..things must be concrete and literal.

I knew God would protect him and that He loved him more than even I do, but my heart wanted Braden to love God as well.

Then one day years ago, when he was about to spike a fever which would have landed us in the ER again with a possible admit, I took out a special cloth that had been blessed, and placed it on Braden's head. I had never shown him the cloth but I had placed it on his abdomen frequently and prayed for his tumor there to go away.

I didn't really believe the cloth had any "magical powers", but I figured...

why not?  Can't hurt!!

Braden felt the cloth on his head and pulled it from my hand. He grasped it and without hesitation said,

"Oh...Hi God!"

I didn't even know he knew the word God.

My entire body filled with goosebumps.

And at that moment...I knew...

God speaks autism.

They have a very close relationship and they "know" each other in ways I could never understand or explain.

Braden knows and loves God.

And God "speaks" to Braden through his heart.

Well tonight, Braden was in bed. He had left his "first tiger"...his favorite of his stuff toy tigers (he now has nine for nine years old). Each is named in cardinal order.

"First Tiger" was indeed the first tiger he received.

And he NEVER sleeps or travels or has scans or goes to clinic or long car rides without "First Tiger".

First Tiger was downstairs in the exact spot he told me I would find him and as I walked back into my room I was shocked to see Braden flipping through the pages of my Bible.

My first reaction was "NO!" because I was afraid he would rip the delicate pages. So I asked him to give it to me.

He obliged, very sweetly and then I realized my mistake.

I handed the Bible back to Braden and said, "Open it honey...what page do you want to read".

He took the closed book and opened it to a page.

I then asked him to point to the words he wanted me to read.

He said, "Right here"...

The words were from Psalm 105 verse 4 and 5...

"Look to the Lord and his strength;
     seek his face always.

Remember the wonders he has done,
     his miracles, and the judgments he
          pronounced."

Those same goosebumps are back.

God speaks autism.

And tonight...God spoke to my heart through Braden...

and gave me HOPE...

Through FAITH!

TAKE THAT cANCER!

Brave Little Soul...

Over the past five years of cAncer mess, I have looked at our son and marveled.

Braden and his friends simply--endure.

Horrible procedures, hopeless news, friends who die, families broken and separated, life completely changed, isolation in hospital rooms, feeling sick, being bald, and living under the constant doubt of the promise of tomorrow.

Nothing is predictable.

Nothing is stable.

Everything is uncertain.

Yet...

they endure.

Braden and his friends are my heroes because of their ability to simply keep going.

The Energizer Bunny has nothing on them!! :)

I came across this poem several years ago, and I read it each year at our HOPE Walk and Touch A Truck, Etc. event that we do with the City of Olathe (this year on June 8, 2013) in our opening ceremonies right before our heroes release butterflies in honor/memory of our angel heroes.

Emma Grace's butterfly landed on her "special someone" :)

I think the lessons will be obvious as you read it. It isn't a story I wrote, just one I found but it describes the heart of my son and his friends.

This story always leaves me sobbing so get a tissue,

or a few packsof tissues. It is beautiful.

It helps my heart to know that there really may be a reason for all of this, not a reason any of us would choose for our lives and certainly NOT for our children, but maybe...

just maybe, there is something we don't know about "why".

This story makes my mind and heart, think...

and give thanks for their courage and example of what it really means to have the courage to endure and HOPE!

Our first trip home after round one of chemo.

The Brave Little Soul
By: John Alessi

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?" God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean," he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone." The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied. "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!" God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you". God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced.

In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed." Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Alexander Kind of Day...

Okay...here's another oldie but goodie. I promise it's the last one for awhile from our CaringBridge site (www.caringbridge.org/visit/bradenh).

This one was written in February of 2010, just about a month after Braden was diagnosed and I was having one of those days. 

It was so "Seriously" that I had to share it with you. It was one of those days and everything was going wrong,

but it was also worth a few giggles....

after I had time to chill.  LOL!!

I was exhausted and pooped from no sleep, and my heart was hurting for Braden and Zach both. It really had started to sink in that Braden was fighting for his life and Zach's life was completely turned around now too.

It was quite a day... :)

Hope it gives you a couple of giggles too!!

HUGS! :)

Hello!
I am having an Alexander kind of day! For those of you who don't know the children's book, Alexander has a terrible, horrible, awful, no good, very bad day (or similar descriptors/order!). Braden's intestinal infection is back. We were schedule to come home yesterday but he spiked a fever at the last minute and we requested to stay at the hospital instead of going home. This infection was so serious last time, we were too scared to come home until we knew more about how he would do.

Braden eating chips...any food he was eat was allowed! :)

Last night was a bad night for me--the gravity and seriousness of Braden's illness really hit me hard (again) and I found myself in a state of complete self pity! Not to worry, Lisa helped last night and Doctor Shore heard about my dismay and brought his "team" up to talk me down off the ledge and do a little "Humpty Dumpty" repair work this morning. I have come to the conclusion that I do not like neuroblastoma!! :) In the initial hours of my meltdown, I called home to talk to Zach and Brian (hadn't seen Zach for 3 days and that's the longest I have gone without seeing him, ever) and Zach said, "Mommy, when are you coming home--I'm sure daddy would watch Braden so you could come see me"! OUCH--this greatly added to my self induced cry-fest. Then this morning, after I gave Braden a bath and was changing his bedding, I accidentally pulled his NG tube out--just caught it on the arm of the chair and yanked it right out. I felt horrible and immediately began to cry yet again! This time, the nurses put me back together. It's nice how they all work together as a team!! :) It was decided that I needed a break. Brian was with Braden so I left to go get Zach and go to a doctor's appointment. I had to leave the medical team's "intervention" early to make my appointment and left my bag with my makeup, dryer, etc. in the room. I realized it when I reached the elevator but pride prevented me from returning to get it. Big mistake.

My appointment had been rescheduled to a plaza location and I had NO clue where I was going but I eventually found the tall building and turn the corner and WHAM...hit my tire on the curb. It was a hard hit so I checked it immediately once I parked and I heard a loud hissing sound...so I jumped back in. I drove like a maniac to try to find some type of garage/gas station or perhaps make it to my dealership on State Line and 435 before it went flat. I called to cancel my appointment and the sweet woman on the phone was trying to help me find a place to go but I was so lost I couldn't even find a street sign!! I made it to 85th and State Line where I pulled into a BP gas station (8507 State Line).  Once again, I began to sob. I was on the phone with my dealership who was politely explaining to me that my roadside assistance plan was no longer in effect so they couldn't help me when a man from the station knocked on my window and asked if I would like for him to change my tire. Thank you Lord! He changed my tire in the pouring, freezing rain and was SO nice about it. He would not let me pay anything for the repairs so just remember that Phillip at the State Line and 85th Street BP station is "THE MAN!!" I left, headed out on 435 driving, let's call it 70'ish, and was calling the BP corporate offices to commend this young man and noticed my hood was flapping. Yup--when I released my parking break, I also released the hood. I then called Brian (for the 500th time since leaving) to tell him I was okay and that all was well and that I was pulling over to shut my hood. I don't even want to know what he was thinking!

That was about an hour and a half ago and I have managed to take a shower, dry my hair with a travel size/folding dryer, and put on back up makeup (that's the old stuff from the bottom of the bag). Yes, I look like I'm ready for Halloween. I now understand that one really should throw away old shades of makeup instead of hanging on to them for "emergencies" because truly, no emergency is worth wearing bright pink blush. I will commend Estee Lauder on their promise of "waterproof" though--seems to be very effective! I am now eating leftover casserole that contains vegetables and I'm having a side of fruit. It's DELICIOUS even though that violates three food rules (leftovers because they turn mushy when reheated--this one really didn't, and vegetables and fruit because they contain absolutely no chocolate). I am going to get my four year old and we are going to have a wonderful celebration today--I plan to kiss him and hug him repeatedly!! He has his kindergarten roundup tomorrow so it's a HUGE day for him! Brian took clothes up to spend the night, and to date, I haven't stayed at home while Braden's been in the hospital so we'll see if I can do it. Maybe tonight is the night!?

So, Alexander, I feel your pain but I think the tide is turning. :) I thought you might enjoy the "humor" of the day! I am posting early so I can enjoy some Zach time today. I am officially proactively cried out for about two months-- or until tomorrow at Kindergarten Roundup, whichever comes first!! :) There's nothing that a shower, bad makeup, casserole, and a four year old's hugs can't fix!!

Deliece :)

Trent Green...

So I spent the afternoon yesterday with Trent Green.

Yes, THE Trent Green!!

WOO HOO!!

He was one of the Chiefs players who graciously offered to be in our 2012 "A Year of HOPE" calendar that our foundation did with 12 heroes and 12 Chiefs players. (our foundation can be found at www.BradensHope.org) :)

It was awesome!!

Trent was photographed with an extremely bright, courageous young lady named Hope. 

We all knew Hope was terminally ill while she took these beautiful photos. No one spoke of it, we just tried to make it a day that cAncer could never take away from her and her family. It was a detour! Hope earned her angel wings 3 weeks after this photo shoot, but you would have never known how weak she really was watching her smile and play that day!

She was amazing!

After the photo shoot at the airport, the man who owned the airplane, Paul, had another pilot take them up in the air for a personal flight!!

This man is perhaps the single most genuinely kind hearted, giving, caring person I have ever met!  I truly admire him and his beautiful family! I am thankful to have these people in my life! They are just incredible people who do extremely kind things just to help others while expecting nothing in return! They are my heroes in many ways!! Paul and his family own Harvest Moon Natural Foods in Olathe and they do SO much for our children with cancer! I could never adequately thank them for all the work they do for our heroes! This day, especially!

Since the photo shoot, we have kept in contact with Trent and I recently asked him if he would be willing to do the introduction for our showcase video for the Hope Gala on September 28, 2013 at the Overland Park, KS Sheraton.

He graciously accepted and yesterday, we shot the video.

To be honest, I had "met" Trent before the calendar shoot.  It was an up close and personal kind of meeting. :)

It was also a typical "Seriously!" story.

When Brian and I were dating, he took me to a KSU/KU basketball game in Lawrence.  It's no secret that I am a HUGE KSU fan!!

Four generations of my family have gone to KSU.  My grandfather, dad, brothers, and nephews. I wasn't able to go because when mom died my senior year of high school, we were in a bit of a financial pickle so I went to Fort Hays State and lived at home. It all worked out fine, but I still bleed purple!!

My brother, Shawn, played football for them and even before that, we went to many football games.

Once, when I was probably about 4 or 5, we were driving to the game.  My mom and dad were in the front seats (mom's beehive blocked a lot of the view...yup...it really was that high)! :)  We pulled up alongside a car of KU fans. My mom casually raised her middle finger up to them and my dad drove off.

They both giggled.

I silently observed.

So...after we got out of the car and were walking into the stadium, I saw a KU fan...

you know where this is going, right?! :)

And I casually lifted my middle finger.

I didn't know!!! I thought it was just how we said we disliked KU!!! LOL!! 

(I supposed it was, wasn't it?!) :)

My mom stopped me and ushered me away telling me that I should not do it again once I explained where I had learned it. It was "for moms and dads only".

Well..crap! 

But she did giggle!! ;)

So anyway, I'm at the basketball game standing in the gate of hell (The Phog) in my purple (one of about ten people) with Brian who was decked out in the colors of the red headed bluebirds and we stopped at the concession stand. I had never been in the fieldhouse before and Brian took great delight in showing me all of the KU stuff and Jay and BabyJay...barf!!!  Willie could eat them in one bite!! LOL!!

I got some popcorn and a drink, turned around, and started to walk back to where Brian was waiting. I was looking down at my pop to make sure I didn't spill any of it...

...and ran face first into...

Trent Green's chest!

OH CRAP!!!

Popcorn went everywhere and he smiled and tried to help me. I was flustered and trying to just escape and Brian was waiting for me cracking up!!

Awesome!!

I haven't told Trent about that initial meeting...I think we'll just try to forget it!! LOL!!

Trent taped the intro for the video (he did an AMAZING job) and then he spent a long time talking to the BVTV students who are creating the video. They each took individual pictures with him and they were SOOO excited!!

And I got not just one hug, but TWO! 

I'm considering taking a shower sometime in 2014.

:)

Seriously!

Zachism Day III...

Each Saturday, I will share a "Zachism" with you.

Zach is our nine year old and he makes me giggle...

and he's not trying! :)

He's just a joyful, fun kid and I love him!!!

Hope it makes you giggle too.

This week, we were in the car driving somewhere and Zach said,

"Mom, if I don't get a job when I graduate from  college,

I could always be a mime."

And being the supportive mother, I said,
"ummmm......no."

So without even stopping for even a second he said,
"Rapper?"

Look out world..here comes Ice Ice Zachy!!! :)

SMH! ;)

Have a great weekend!!