Thursday, January 24, 2013

Dr. Jekyl and Momma Hyde...

In January or February of 2011, (I honestly can't remember which) as I sat in my breast surgeon's office listening to her tell me about the pathology and histology of my breast cancer, my jaw was on the floor.

She said she knew it was overwhelming and asked if I was okay.

I said no.

My loves!
But not for the reason she thought...I was in shock...again, not for the reason she thought.

I had stage II invasive ductal carcinoma...fortunately, a type of breast cancer that there is a lot known about and there are a lot of options for treatments.

This was at the same time Braden was at the end of his options...

She was telling me that my cancer was this and that and because of this and that they could do these and those treatments that were effective for MY cancer's pathology and histology, specifically!

I was pissed.


In three years, we had searched for information about neuroblastoma, but it didn't exist because scientists don't have money to do the research for childhood cancer.

I didn't care if I lived, I wanted my SON to live...and I had 87% odds, he had less than 10%.

Just think about that for a minute.  What if you were in the same position with your child??

I don't know any parent who wouldn't give their life for their child's.

I wanted nothing more than to give the hope I was getting to him....

and I couldn't.

I felt helpless.

And mad.

That was the moment we decided to start a foundation to change that. of the treatments, because of the specific indicators of my cancer, was that I elected to have an ovarectomy and start taking medication to shut down all of the hormones in my body.

My cancer is highly receptive to hormones...meaning they feed the beast, so we eliminate them and I have a better chance of not having to hassle with this again...and be able to be there for Braden and Zach!
He went first...made it easier to lose mine! :)
I started Tamoxofen not long after the conclusion of my chemo.

It threw me into "the change" know.."THE change"....

I had heard about menopause, and it's "gifts".

Rumors of hot flashes and night sweats...and more,

But I was wasn't going to be anything for me!

Whoa buddy...was I wrong!! :)

Hot flashes are a lot like someone having a voodoo doll of you...

and at random intervals, that person thrusts the head of said voodoo doll into...

a blast furnace.

Not kidding.

This sickening feeling of being thrown into a 1500 degree oven overtakes your entire body.

My hot flashes don't last that long...seconds to a few minutes...but I have like 60 a day,

yes, I counted them once.

And you NEVER know when they are going to hit...and they come with an additional bonus...

the urge to rip someone's head off and roll it down the street,

just for sport!  (tee hee hee)  LOL!


sort of. :)

The other day, I had just gone through the Starbucks drive thru...I don't drink coffee but I love their hot chocolate

(I's messed up). :)

I started driving down the road and one I peeled off my coat...

That wasn't enough,

by a long shot...

SO I was about to roll down the window...but it was about 20 degrees outside, and I KNEW people would be staring at the blonde woman with her head hanging out the window like a dog headed to the dog park! :)

(But I REFUSE to wag my tail....girl's gotta have her limits!)

So, I elected to turn on the AC full blast.

And there I was driving down the road, AC blasting full force, sweating like I had just run a marathon.

I was pretty sure that every person at the stoplights was staring at me wondering why the chick in the white vehicle was panting and fanning... :)
Pretty, Hott...whichever!
...sing along,

"I felt pretty...oh so pretty...!"

Then there's the night sweats,

you wake up in your very own private swimming pool,

so you fling off the covers,

and two seconds later you are freezing... so you grab the covers...

only to repeat 400 times per night! :)


And then there's the "mood swings".  My husband is never sure who is going to be home when he gets here...Dr. Jekyl or Momma Hyde...

I'll be cooking dee da dee da...

and one hits and suddenly, my entire attitude changes...

and I have a knife in my hand... (snicker, snicker)

be afraid,

be VERY afraid... LOL!!!

No task is without it's precious moments,

I will be blow drying my hair and am standing there with a gallon of sweat running down my face so I can't put my makeup on just yet....the next action (to cool my face off before the make up thing) is based on what season it is: to the window and fling it open for a minute, or two. to the freezer and fling it open for a minute, or two.

Seriously!! :)

And as much as I laugh about all this "stuff", I am blessed and fortunate that I have a kind of cancer that allows me to have something I can do to help prevent it from coming back.

And I DO feel blessed!!

I've switched over to Arimidex and it's better since more night sweats and crazy mood swings but the hot flashes remain the same!

(not sure Brian would agree about those mood swings though!!) :)

Some days you just have to laugh!!! 

Hope you did too!

Look closely by my lips...I have always believed that was Miranda giving me a kiss for my birthday! My 3 kids!