Braden
has lots of gifts from God, one of them is autism.
Just
this past fall, we had him tested for autism and the tests proved what we have
known since he was 8 months old. He is, indeed, a child with autism. And my
response is “so what!” It changes nothing…we’ve been treating it like it was
autism for almost his whole life with therapies and treatments.
But…
Reading
that psychologists’ report…well…it hurt. It boiled him down to numbers and
analytic descriptors from a person who doesn‘t know Braden and his
gifts/talents. And I don’t like what those numbers say about my son. I realize
she has to write it from a deficit standpoint…and I know those deficits are
there…it’s just there are 1 million times more positives than negatives. My
“Momma Bear” hair stood up as I read…
He is
SUCH a great kid…not what that report says he is…
And I
have been thinking about and worrying about all of the parents that we handed
reports to while I was a Principal. Oh how I hope we never hurt anyone like I
hurt right now. These are just numbers, I was prepared for them, I understand
them completely, and I know they do not tell who Braden Hofen is, but they
suck. Plain and simple…they suck.
The
autism does not suck. I think it’s been a gift for Braden…yes, really.
He has
no idea he has cancer and that he could die from it. He has never once had to
be scared or worried about death and anticipating the pain of treatments. That
really is a gift! All he has to know is that we love him and God is taking care
of him.
Braden
has autism and I am not ashamed or embarrassed or apologetic…it is the gift he
was given when God made him and we celebrate every gift!! EVERY single gift!! I
have however, wondered if Braden would be able to understand “God” because
things that are abstract are very difficult for him to grasp.
While I
completely believe in God and His love; those are abstract concepts and I
didn’t think Braden knew and understood God and that used to worry me.
Braden doesn't understand abstract concepts and I had never spoken to him about God. I prayed all the time, but I pray silently, not outloud and I wait until he is asleep because I'm prone to crying during prayer.
I
worried needlessly!
A friend
once gave me a cloth that had been blessed in a special place. I don’t really
give much credence to those kinds of things but when he was 3 and going through
treatment, I used to put it on his belly (where his tumor was located in his liver) and pray for remission when he was
asleep for whole nights at a time. I figured it couldn’t’ hurt! :)
He had never
seen it and it was always hidden during the day so he didn’t take it and play with it.
If it was special and magical, I didn't want him to rip it. :)
One day,
he was beginning to feel warm which would mean a fever and ER trip…I put it on
his head and was about to pray when he reached up, pulled it off his head,
looked at it and said,
“Oh...hello God!”
With my
mouth gaping open, I burst into tears.
Braden
KNOWS God and God knows Braden. It doesn’t have to be in the way we typically
think about “knowing” God.
God
speaks autism!! ;)
And God
is concrete in Braden's world!!
God
surrounds us with his love and I know that He is surrounding Braden right now.
No matter what these developmental tests showed and what happens with his future, He is with Braden and they
are connected at a very deep level!
God will ALWAYS be there with him.
God will ALWAYS be there with him.
God has
given us 8 years with him...
We hope
we will get 9!
TAKE
THAT cANCER!!
