Monday, August 26, 2013

Pain is pain...

So things in our lives have been a little crazy...and sad...and fearful...and worriesome...and all shades of crappy....

Mixed with overwhelming joy and love and happiness...

It's the roller coaster ride of a family who has a child with cANCER.

Up and down and twirly and swirly....then you throw up...then you laugh...

but you always want off the ride.

This is our third time on the ride.

Braden's third cANCER battle.

I didn't sign up for this shit...and I didn't get in the line...

I'm pretty sure I was thrown onto the ride kicking and screaming.

Needless to say, it's been chaotic and overwhelming.

Well, I have had many conversations with my friends in which I've learned that they, too, have had their own roller coaster rides. Filled with their own twirly swirly dips and twists, throwing up, and wanting off.

But they haven't said anything to me.

When I do finally get them to come clean, they apologize profusely and say, "You have SO much going on right now...I didn't want to bother you and I didn't want to make you more sad".

So let's just talk about that because it's sort of an taboo thing to talk about in society. Nobody really knows what to do and how to handle situations like mine.  I've always believed open communication and talking about the elephant in the room is the way to go.

I can't speak for everyone in similar shoes, but this is what I need and want my friends to know! :)

First, NOTHING can make me more sad about my own stuff.  Nothing.  Once again my son has overwhelming odds of dying or surviving only to have devastating side effects which could result in him not having "quality time".

So nothing can EVER make me more sad about that.  I have crossed over into the infinity to the power of infinity, plus one level of sadness.

I'm kicking ASS in the Sadness Olympics!

If there were such a thing.... LOL! doesn't mean that I can't empathize with someone else's sadness. And it doesn't mean I can't be helpful with someone else's "stuff".

I'm not saying I will be helpful...I'm still me and quite often a complete mess and I often insert my foot into my mouth...


Unless I have had entirely too much tequila...

Then all bets are off.

But I want to try.

I want to be a part of my friends' lives, I want to hear from other cANCER moms, and I want to try to help find resources and help for them too.

It actually helps me to help someone else. It gives me something that I can try to control and result in a better outcome for someone else.

I want to be a part of my friends' lives.

It fills my heart and soul to TRY to help.

So let me.

Many of my friends have apologized for what they are worried, stressed, sad, fearful about because they think what they are going through is not nearly as big as what I'm going through.

My response is always the same...

Anyone who feels the need to quantify sadness, worry, stress, and fear is not thinking. And, frankly, not a very good person.

Pain is pain.

Fear is fear.

Sadness is sadness

Worry is worry.

Heartbreak is heartbreak.

There is absolutely NO need to quantify, no need to measure anyone's pain against someone else's.

So please don't feel the need to quantify and compare.

Pain is pain.


I do not believe it is disrespectful or insensitive to tell me about your personal crapfest. And, I may cry with you...and that's okay, I would have done that before this cANCER mess so I'll probably do it now.

I feel isolated and shut out and like I'm a bad friend when I am not a part of your lives, even the bad stuff, and even with my crapfest.

So stop making me feel worse about myself by not sharing!! ;)  LOL!!

My heart is big enough to handle your happiness too. really is.  So when you become pregnant, your child reaches a major milestone, you get a new job, you are going to Hawaii...whatever it is... (and those are all made up as I type but if you are going to Hawaii...I want to go in your suitcase please) :)

I can take it!

I can actually be happy for you, even on my really crappy days.  I WANT to be happy for you and I want to celebrate with you. I need things to smile about also!

Just treat me like you did before the new diagnosis. I'm still me. I have another round on the roller coaster from hell but being friends, sharing your me a brief moment on the roller coaster of straight, slow track where I can focus on something other than when the next big dip is coming that is going to make me throw up.

All of us have friends who go through hard times. The best advice is ASK your friend how they want to be they want to hear your stuff or not...

and for those of you who didn't ask me, but heard it you know! :)

My friends are my family. I love you all and we will get through my roller coaster and your roller coasters by being there for each other.

It's what friendship is all about.

Love you!