I duck when a ball is thrown in my direction, even if it is thrown gently,
and I can't reciprocate the throwing of a ball in anyone else's direction with any sort of accuracy...
whether it is the broad side or narrow side of the barn, so to speak.
My balance is awful because of my MS so I fall frequently, once I fell and broke my arm...
while walking....
Just.Walking.
Well in all honesty, I was chewing gum at the same time.
So it was a pretty big surprise when I decided to join a gym.
BWAHHAHHAAAHHAAAAA!!
Me...and a gym???
I'm just the girl who ought to join a gym...
so I can hang out with all the athletic people and their ripped physiques...
because my physique is sooo ripped...
not!
I'm more of a hail damage thigh and arm flab flappin' kinda girl.
You know what arm flab is right?
In the event you have been spared this particular gift, it's the flab that hangs from the back of your arm and flaps when dangled as you raise your arms...
Actually, if you are standing behind me on a windy day, there's a good chance you are going to look like my East Coast buddy here from my arm flab smacking you in the face...
I'm just not into sports and athletics...
However,
I do like to walk.
But,
you say,
walking isn't a sport.
Walking is just a "leisure activity".
Not the way I do it.
I am the most competitive person on the entire planet.
That is actually not a good thing because I take it way too far.
Like my first day at the gym...
I joined because they had an indoor track and in the cold weather of winter, I would have to walk on my treadmill day after day after day,
and I do not enjoy walking on a treadmill, repetitively stepping a few inches on a conveyor belt gets a bit boring after a few weeks,
and it makes me feel like George...
or Astro.
Ruh roh!
At least an indoor track gives me a chance to move in a tight circle...
(yup, nothing repetitive and boring about that)
Now I did mention that I'm the most competitive person on the planet and I believe that adding in an element of competition is the key to changing an "activity" into a "sport".
That's how walking is a sport...let me explain...
I strap on my heart monitor....cue up my app to track my speed and distance...put knee braces on both legs (did I mention I'm older than dirt?), and I connect my blu-tooth headphones to my i-phone, crank up my tunes...
(we should pause at tunes because that is an incredibly important part of the motivation/inspiration for walking in a "sport-like" manner. One must have an eclectic mix of Usher, Katy Perry, Godsmack, Metallica, Rob Zombie, Ariana Grande, Maroon 5....gotta mix it up and keep it fresh...for proper motivation/inspiration purposes.)
Each time I walk, my goal is to beat my personal best time...11:45 minute mile with no running, only walking.
My heart rate his locked in for a fat burning target, I'm swinging my arms like a crazy person (duck if you are near me due to the arm flap thing) and I am hauling bootie as I walk.
Literally (and sadly). Hauling. My Bootie....
I have one personal goal...
to pass every single person I meet....
especially runners.
Okay...
slowwwwww runners.
Shoot, once I even passed a person riding a bike while I was at the park.
Sure, she had piggy tails and training wheels but I totally smoked her! ;)
My first day at the gym, I encountered a very fit woman, about my age, running. She was obviously a really experienced runner (as was identifiable by her tippy toe running and slim/trim/fit/looking great in spandex legs).
I actively disliked her from the moment I spied how awesome she looked in that spandex. LOL!
She had that "prancy" zip to her step, she was a strong runner, and she made it look easy...
I set my competitive eyes on my her...
Target Aquired...
Lock on...
ENGAGE!
And I hauled my hail dents and flabby flappies...
and cranked up Usher...
and in a few laps I was right next to her.
The instant I stepped two steps in front of her, she picked it up and zipped out in front of me.
WHAT?????
Being the competitive person that I am, my response (inside my head) was..
"Oh....so you wanna play sister, well game ON!!"
And I kicked it in again...and caught her...
again.
BOOM!!
I'm pretty sure I was actually smiling when I passed her the second time.
And then...
she did it again!!
She kicked it into gear and took off to pass me back.
Are you kidding me???
And this time she ran out much further to increase the distance between us.
I considered not chasing her down for a third time.
I rejected that consideration.
My heart rate was now 184.
I was seeing spots due to the lack of oxygen in my body.
My clothes were soaked from the sweat and I'm pretty sure they could hear my breathing in the next city.
I cared not.
I did the only thing one can do when faced with this type of sports-related situation.
I broke out VanHalen's Right Now.
Bish is goin' down.
And I kicked it in again....
and I caught her again...
and she did it again.
For real???
So I literally stopped, put my hands on my hail dented thighs and loudly laughed and yelled, "you go girl".
She pretended not to hear me...pssshhhhhh...
She didn't have headphones on.
I began walking with my arms above my head to cool off...
literally and figuratively...
She pranced past me again as I was cooling down and it took every ounce of self control I had to not talk trash about how she may have actually passed me...
but technically a "walker" had passed her not once,
not twice,
but THREE times that day.
So I repeat...
Walking is not a leisure activity...
it is a sport.
I'm headed back to the gym for the second time,
and "Ms. Runner" better bring her A-Game if she's there again...
