But those crapfest moments taught me several lessons for which I am very thankful. So in this season of giving thanks, here are the lessons I am the most grateful for
(coincidentally they are also things I wish I had learned a lot earlier in my life).
Real Friends Are Blessings...
Friends who are loyal and present, friends who are the type of people you hope to be for them. I'm extraordinarily blessed to be surrounded by true friends who love others more than they love themselves and they show it every single day. They make me a better person and I grow because of them. Cherish those people in your life and invest in them. People who are negative, gossipy, or cause drama have no place in my life. I have zero tolerance for "mean girls" and I wish them well in their lives and walk away. I certainly wish I had learned THAT lesson much earlier in my life.
Conflict, confrontation,and discord...
I know that sounds strange, but those things are actually very healthy when you adopt an attitude of "let's agree we disagree but I continue to respect your point of view". I love it when people challenge me, have new ideas that are outside my comfort zone, or simply disagree with my point of view. That's how we learn! It's pretty easy to always give myself high fives, but (and here's the tough thing to swallow) I am not always right. GASP! Conflict, confrontation and discord keep me honest, questioning and humble. Whether it's about whether I should wear a wig or hat when I was bald or if I'm confronting a world renown doctor about my son's cancer treatments, I grow by using my voice. The key is to equally use my ears.
Forgiveness...
Heaven knows I need this. I routinely screw up. Sometimes, it's worse than others, but I am blessed to be around people who subscribe to this thing called "forgiveness". "My People" as I call my friends and network are amazingly gracious and loving and they forgive me when I screw up. The only return gift needed when you accept someone's forgiveness is to extend that same forgiveness when you are kicked in the teeth. Every day I pray, "forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against us". I can't be forgiven until I forgive others. Suck it up, see the other person's point of view and let it go.
Learn To Keep A Secret...
Oh how I wish I had learned that in my teens and twenties. Seriously! It seems that the quickest way to spread gossip is to tell someone, "don't tell anyone!" and whooooshhhhhhh it's international headline news. The bottom line is that you should never have to even say "don't tell anyone" to anyone when you are telling someone something. ;) Simply stated, when something is told to you, don't tell someone else. Use your intuition (which is generally screaming "shut up") and keep it quiet. The translation from our mouths to another's ears is usually all shades of confused and then you end up being quoted incorrectly. Then there's the worst case scenario...you blabbed and it ends up hurting someone you love. My middle name is now "Vegas".
Anything Worthwhile is Worthy of Fighting For It...
We have been told more times than I can count, that Braden was close to dying. I've had no gas in my tank more days than not, and I had a choice. Crawl under my covers and suck my thumb (like I wanted to do) or get up and fight. I'm Irish and I've dished out a lot of "black eyes" along the way. There has been a mountain of collateral damage from me fighting for him, but he is still here with us today. Tomorrow isn't a guarantee, it's a gift. Fight for what (and who) you believe in no matter what the odds or how big the monster is, just do it respectfully and with consideration for others.
Grace...
My mother used to tell me that we show grace, understanding, compassion, and kindness to others not because of who they are, but because of who we are. My mom's middle name was Grace and we named our daughter who died Miranda Grace after her. Show others grace because you are a good person, not because you believe it will be returned to you. It actually may do quite the opposite and come flying back into your face. Don't let that stop you. It's not about them, it's about you!
God Doesn't Give Us Bad Stuff To Test Us.
I simply do not believe that the God I believe in gives us pain and suffering. The God I believe in would not give those things to us to test us to see if we are going to remain faithful, or to drive us into His arms to repent. The God I believe in is a God of compassion, grace and love. He is there to give us...
And...Trust
I may be wrong, but I personally do not think that God has my life planned out. I think things happen and it's up to me to choose how I'm going to handle those things. I choose to try to employ all the tools/lessons I just listed above. And most importantly, I try to handle them in a way that I God teaches us through the lessons Jesus taught us on Earth. If even Jesus and his disciples were faced with hardship and agony, how arrogant would it be of me to assume that if God really loved me, He would save me from any crapfest moments??
I trust God. I trust that I will be able to see the better path to handle those hardships and I pray for strength to take that path as it is usually more difficult. God is my strength and salvation and through all of this crapfest, that point has been repeatedly driven home. My faith has grown exponentially as a result of the hard stuff.
Be Thankful...
It's really that simple.
Just.Be.Thankful.
I once read something that said, "What if all you had tomorrow was what you thanked God for yesterday?" Amen to that! Be thankful for your blessings amongst your crapfest because sometimes that very crapfest may end up indirectly blessing you if you open your heart and receive.
