I'm going to lose my membership card in the "Girl's Club" for this post because at our last secret meeting (at the pub), we all agreed that we would keep this information top secret.
But I'm risking it...for one and only one reason...
to be clear and to try to help men everywhere live happy, healthy lives...
with no ambiguity.
I know sometimes men think women talk in code and we have secret messages behind our words. Today, I offer clarity on one little issue, asking your significant other to bring dinner home.
First, the background info you need from which to frame this whole scenario. Part of what I do each day is plan and prepare meals for my family.
And didn't used to like cooking but now I love to cook. I watch Food Network every chance I get...
which we all know makes you a real chef.
I have also taken a few cooking classes at a culinary institute and as a result....
I even get my knives professionally sharpened now....so it's pretty obvious that I'm "the real deal".
Okay, I admit it, I'm no "chef"...
not everything I make is even edible, and I often take the culinary path of least resistance, but I do enjoy cooking and it usually takes a good chunk of time.
Every day.
I shop for the groceries, chop everything, cook the food, serve it and then clean up the kitchen and do the dishes.
Oh the horror! POOOR OVERWORKED ME! ;)
Actually, I like doing it. It's "normal" and a stable, predictable, behavior that I yearned to do while spending months in the hospital and unable to do "everyday" things like this. Having the chance to be at home to do this is a gift.
And I think it's fun!
Shhhh....don't tell the hubby that part because that takes away a lot of currency I can cash in later for things like fixing broken stuff around the house.
But there is one part of the job that I do NOT enjoy and that is figuring out what we are going to have for dinner each night.
UGHHHH!!!
In order to be a meal planning whiz kid, you have to consider many factors...
like how many nights this week have we had "Taco Tuesday?"
And are there any frozen pizzas left?
It's so exhausting I often need a glass of wine after I'm finished with the event because I have pushed myself to my physical, emotional, and mental limits...
(sangria is good too).
But there are some days that I'm just tired of shopping, chopping, cooking, serving, and cleaning up.
And on those days, I call Brian and ask him if he will stop at a restaurant or drive thru and bring dinner home.
He always obliges and says "sure". He's always willing to bring something home...no judgment about me not cooking or being upset about having to make a stop.
But....he always asks the one question that he should not ask...
"what do you want me to bring home?"
My answer is always the same,
"I don't care, you pick."
To which he inevitably sighs...
So I sigh too...
...louder.
Then we begin the "discussion" of what he can bring home with me continuing to say, slower each time...
"I don't care what you bring home!"
I'm pretty sure he thinks that either I'm trying to trick him and there's some catch, or that it is part of the "Woman Code" and he's supposed to keep asking me to get me to crack and tell him what the code really means.
So in an attempt to be perfectly clear and avoid any more sighs and discussions about what to bring home for dinner after I say, "I don't care" four million times, I am going to be completely transparent and reveal the woman code for what those three little words (I don't care) mean when discussing what to bring home for dinner.
Here goes...hold on to your hat and prepare for your mind to be blown with the code translation.
This is BIG stuff!
Nobel Peace Prize Award kind of stuff!
Seriously!
When I call and ask my hubby to bring something home for dinner,
it's because I am tired of cooking and doing dishes...
and figuring out what the hell to have for dinner every meal!!!
SO....when I say, "I don't care what you bring home for dinner", what I'm really trying to say through all the innuendos and indirect messages is...
(GET READY FOR IT....)
"I don't care what you bring home for dinner"...
as long as I don't have to cook, clean and plan it for one night!
I want a night off...and that night off includes a break from meal planning duty.
I don't want to think about what to have, I don't want to clean it up, I don't want to put the leftovers in the fridge...
Night
O...
F....
F!!
BOOOOM!!!
(that was the sound of minds around the world being blown as the code was cracked)
Club Sisters...I know I took the oath of secrecy that I would never decode those words, I have failed you.
It's a good thing I don't work for the CIA.
And as an added code cracking bonus dear significant others,
when you don't even get us a card for Valentines Day and we smile and tell you "it's no big deal, don't worry about it"
as we hand you yours...
The decoded meaning is...
"sleep with one eye open."
BOOM!
(again)
