Crapola...

Zach came home from school the other day and told me that one of his friends “shunted” him.

I was confused.

So I asked a few probing questions to try to figure out what that word should be… or to figure out if maybe I was missing some new 2013 colloquialism…LOL!

He said that he was at lunch with his group of buddies and that he was talking to one friend when another told him that he was “shunted” because he was talking to “him”.

It became clear…”shunned” was the word he intended. 

Ahhhhh….got it.  J

But I didn’t “get it”. I wondered why he had been shunned.

(And I wondered if this new friend had been watching The Amish Mafia on TLC because that is just not a word you hear that often, especially from a ten year old.)

So…..I asked him why he had been shunned for talking to his buddy. His friends ROCK…I love them, the “shunner” was fairly new to the group.

He said that the shunner was mad at him because he didn’t like his buddy and since he was talking to his buddy, he had been shunned.

I asked him what he thought about that and he said that he didn’t think it was right. That he shouldn’t have to not be friends with his buddy just because his new friend didn’t like his buddy.

I then asked him how he handled it. I was nervous…”What Would Zach Do?”

He said he told the new friend that he didn’t have to stop being friends with his buddy and that if he wanted to “shunt” him, that was okay with him but he wasn’t going to stop being friends with his buddy just because he didn’t like it.  He told him that he wanted to be friends with both of them, but if he didn’t like it he was sorry. 

I beamed with momma bear pride!  YESSS!!!!!

It was one of those moments that you sit back as a mom and think that you must have done something right. 

Since then, all is well and the boys are all friends again. That’s the beauty of boys! J

It made me think about ladies near my age group.  Reality TV is filled with grown up people showing behaviors like that every day. And it’s also in real life too!

It starts when we are kids, just like it started with Zach.

Girls spend much of their time proclaiming their coolness by putting down others, snubbing, judging, labeling, and spreading rumor and gossip about those outside of their group.

Okay…I actually think they even do that within their group, which is equally sad. 

We survive that life phase, but many of us are forever changed because of it. It shapes our personalities and, for some, defines our self worth. 

I remember believing that once I was a grown up, it would be over and wouldn’t happen again.

Wrong!

Apparently, those social patterns are solidified for many. And then our actions as an adult, reflect those learned behaviors and patterns.

So at 47, I still encounter mean females and drama. People worried about if I was talking about them behind their backs…did I do this or did I say that or because I did this that must mean that, or because I am friends with someone that they don’t care for, then I must not be their friend.

Seriously????

I don’t understand it, but it exists.

Wouldn’t it be easier if we could all just cut the drama and gossip???

I’m not sayng I don’t mess up, I do. And if and when I make a mistake that hurts someone, I apologize profusely (and mean it), and then work to repair the friendship.

The people I hang out with ARE that way. None of us “do” drama and we have zero tolerance for it. Not everybody likes me…and at my age, I’m now good with that. I used to not be good with that…but things change when you hit 40….and beyond. J 

I don’t have time for drama. Life’s too short…just too short to fill it with that kind of crapola, negativity, and nastiness.  And I feel very sad for those that don’t “get it”.

I was so happy when I found out that my son feels the same way and then acted on it.

SOOO very proud!

It’s one time that as a mom, I actually patted myself on the back.

My prayer is that he continues to hold those beliefs and back it up through actions, all his life.

Be kind, be loyal, and be fair.

It really is that simple.