What's It Going To Take?

Boys...

Toilets...

Seriously....

Can boys NOT aim better than that?!! :)

Really!!?

I love the males who live in my house.  I do!

But...honestly humans of the male variety, is it too much to ask for you to actually pee IN the WATER portion of the toilet, not ON the actual toilet;

or even NEAR the toilet??

This is NOT horseshoes.

Close does not count!

I've tried everything...I have suggested sitting...

Cause I figure that I sit to pee and somehow I always seem to make my target so perhaps it would be easier if they just sat?!

They claim they forgot to sit, "Sorry mom!" (insert eye roll and deep sigh from mom).

So I've tried making sitting mandatory.

They still forget.

(more eye rolling...

and sighing).

SO I actually put signs on the toilet seats saying, "remember to sit down!"

Yea...they got peed on.

(not kidding)

I've tried Cheerios as a target...let's make it fun, maybe it's about getting them to "play a sport"?

Nope.

Heaven FORBID that I walk anywhere near the bathroom door when the boys are peeing because they turn to see who is coming...

and every part of them turns.

And it's like a firehose....wooo hoooo...pee flying everywhere!!!!

It's a freakin' potty party!!!

I make them clean it up when they miss the target.

And every single time, they say, "ewww...this is sooo gross" and then miss their target the next time they pee.

Seriously???

I've tried yelling, bitching, grumbling, I've even tried just walking away shaking my head.

I've threatened that they will have to pee outside because I've absolutely, positively HAD it and they are so not going to have "indoor pee privileges" if they can't aim better than that.  They can pee in the yard...

In the middle of a blizzard...

Uphill...

Both ways...

They just giggle.

I'm at a loss.

I seem to be the only one in the house that actually cares whether or not they hit the toilet bowl instead of somewhere in the vicinity of the toilet.

I'm thinking now that I know where the word "pissed" comes from. I bet a mom invented it to describe her anger and frustration about toilet target practice....and lack of accuracy.

I'm considering setting up some wiring all around the bowl that will emit electric shocks should any liquid hit it.

Nothing that would cause real damage...

long term,

just a low voltage "reminder".

Kinda like a rubber band snap.  That's all.

Pretty sure after the first little "snap", they would see my point and maybe start squirting in the right place.

I bet accuracy would be 100%,

forever.

I'll wager that they would have concentration of steel when they peed then!

There's the next million dollar invention...

and it will be a mom who invents it,

a mom who buys it,

and a mom who grins with satisfaction when it snaps the first time.

I'm SO in!! :)

Just pee IN the toilet...it's a simple little request.

Why in the world is that soooo hard???

And for the record sons, your future wives will thank me.  Well...that is if you ever learn to pee IN the toilet.

I'm not too hopeful though.

So I will apologize now, sorry future daughters-in-law.

I tried!!! I really did!

I'm sure you will do a much better job with your sons.

And I'm sure it will be hilarious when they miss and I'm the grandma instead of the mom.

Most days I can hear my mom rolling in laughter in Heaven.

In the meantime, I'm going to have a glass (or ten) of wine.

Lord, give me strength....and patience!

:)